Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
