don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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