eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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