He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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