Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
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They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
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Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
how drunk are you?
Several
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