My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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