i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
