I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
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