I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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