chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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