I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
