remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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