I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
