i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
