I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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