I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
