Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
