I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
