U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
