Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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