you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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