Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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