i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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