Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
