Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
