Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
