I wish I could punch you in the face.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
