can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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