I can't breathe out the right side of my face
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
