if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
