One girl and one boy is just not enough.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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