I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
someone owes me an orgasm
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize