Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
