Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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