so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
