got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Randomize
