WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
