If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
