marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
did i just pee glitter
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
