Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
