Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
