Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
