Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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