He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
