Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
