This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
