please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
