You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
