my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
