hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
