Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
