i just wanna soil my oats bro
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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