take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
