Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
You took a bar mat shot.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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