YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
