I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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