he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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