just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
