Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
