I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
