the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
