the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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