fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
