im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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