I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
