It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
